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Thread: In The Bed of Blades and Love

  1. #1
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
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    In The Bed of Blades and Love

    Wine trickles from my dripping blade
    sheathed within your beating crimson

    Drums pound upon a snow-white field,
    our bodies entangled in silk-twined war

    Ruffled sheets stained, scorched
    with liquid fire forged deep;
    interwoven hearts
    locked, by blades

    Primal rivers course eternal,
    I am but a savage flurry
    destined by divine
    chains

    bound by bitter planes linked

    to conflict
    to hate

    Wading amongst whirlwinds,
    knives baring aimless fangs
    that cut and scar
    your petals

    But, Cytherea you still twirl
    through my storm to take

    my hardened hands;
    lead me

    to bathe in bliss-soaked
    ecstasy, entangled

    strung up by your
    unconditional caress

    We are lost,
    engulfed by the everlasting flames
    I am cursed

    We are lost,
    traversing enchanted woods
    painted by your passion

    Sensuous charms of
    temptress gaze,
    longing touches
    promise

    forever embrace
    to the rapturous clutches
    of,

    your bed
    our bed

    Coils undone, this welcome and
    familiar war breaks

    And I do not know why
    I leave, but I do

    Warmth forsaken

    Cold mattress stained
    with your tears
    left

    in pain littered background
    as I go

    To seek answers
    over a horizon of false
    misplaced dreams

    The only dream I need
    is that which I left behind

    Perhaps, one day
    your flowers will bloom
    undying

    upon this lonely sword.


    ----

    http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...-of-my-silence
    http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...thirtieth-year
    Last edited by TheIllyricist; March 3rd, 2016 at 01:02 AM
    “Those whom life does not cure death will. The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not. Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: In The Bed of Blades and Love

    Sorry I missed this The Illyricist, I'll get to it.

    In the meantime, bumping for feed.


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  3. #3
    Ars Longa Vita Brevis English's Avatar
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    Re: In The Bed of Blades and Love

    yo my nignog i used cytherea in one of my poems here like 10 years ago writing when i was fucking hammereddd of some single malt scottish whisky and i thought i was only one who thought of her in those terms. you're a fucking legend, mate. you are. or did you mean the porn star that was gang raped? that story was fucked up. anywhere here it is:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?488629-dronk

    i love you man don't worry.

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  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: In The Bed of Blades and Love

    In The Bed of Blades and Love
    There's a lot that I love about that title, and none of it is good lol.
    It's a great title.




    Wine trickles from my dripping blade
    sheathed within your beating crimson

    Drums pound upon a snow-white field,
    our bodies entangled in silk-twined war
    Wow. Nice way to embody love making. Nice way to wrap it all up, or, unwrap it, and have it on show.
    Or at least, I think I think it's about love making. That bit ...'drums pound upon a snow-white field' -- You certainly
    have a way with words. The imagery in that is insane.


    Ruffled sheets stained, scorched
    with liquid fire forged deep;
    interwoven hearts
    locked, by blades
    How interesting. '...locked, by blades' I didn't expect that. The descriptions here are wonderful. Graphic but clean and pure in a sensational way.

    Primal rivers course eternal,
    I am but a savage flurry
    destined by divine
    chains
    Divine chains? You're bringing a whole new lot of pictures forward. The divine bit here, is divine. And 'divine chains' is so wrong, its right. Beautiful wording.

    bound by bitter planes linked

    to conflict
    to hate
    Wow. All this could be metaphorical love. This could reflect anyone's situation where the struggle between love and war collide.

    Wading amongst whirlwinds,
    knives baring aimless fangs
    that cut and scar
    your petals
    Probably my favourite part so far. It's entirely twisted. Not sure if you've got a victim or vixen with you here, but there's a grey area and you've entirely crossed it. The oppositional wording works for me. I like The prettiness of certain wording like, ending this part with the words 'your petals' ...so delicate and elegant, but...you've gone chopping and slicing and dicing all that up. It makes for a lovely sickness that my curiosity, appreciates.

    But, Cytherea you still twirl
    through my storm to take

    my hardened hands;
    lead me

    Actually, this is my favourite part lol. Your pace is spot on and it's backed by regal tone.
    Ἀφροδίτη, the Greek goddess of love, beauty, pleasure, and procreation is loving you, Im sure.
    You've got this wording down pat. Especially this bit..."...But, Cytherea you still twirl
    through my storm..."


    to bathe in bliss-soaked
    ecstasy, entangled

    strung up by your
    unconditional caress

    We are lost,
    engulfed by the everlasting flames
    I am cursed

    We are lost,
    traversing enchanted woods
    painted by your passion

    Sensuous charms of
    temptress gaze,
    longing touches
    promise

    forever embrace
    to the rapturous clutches
    of,

    your bed
    our bed

    Coils undone, this welcome and
    familiar war breaks

    And I do not know why
    I leave, but I do

    Warmth forsaken

    Cold mattress stained
    with your tears
    left

    in pain littered background
    as I go

    To seek answers
    over a horizon of false
    misplaced dreams

    The only dream I need
    is that which I left behind

    Perhaps, one day
    your flowers will bloom
    undying

    upon this lonely sword.

    Wow. Nice way to end this. It went out with obvious sadness, and sorrow adds so much to this. The emotions were on high alert the whole way through and they captivated me. The irony of you leaving and then searching your dreams for what it was you left behind, that's great writing. Great presence. Because even though you've gone, the thought of her still lingers. You captured the imagery supremely. It was vivid and interesting. I thought the style of this was simple and called for. The structure works well. With poetry with this type of theme, it can be easy to fall into the cliche' mold, but you never did. You've left organic wording trail blazing at stages until the fire burnt out but the spark never did. I like it. I found no redundant word choices. This was a beautiful ballad of love and loss. You were able to pull heart strings imo and that's, a bonus when reading words on paper. You give them life and they move, they move me. This was different and a pleasure to read TheIllyricist. You've got a lovely talent for poetry.

    Great Read.


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  5. #5

    Re: In The Bed of Blades and Love

    You paint a vivid picture. Striking and thought evoking well done.

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