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Thread: Controlled By Greed

  1. #1
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Controlled By Greed Ft. Cry

    Cry = First
    Kaotic = Second

    A want for need is what we should breathe
    instead of following the if's of what could be
    while would be perfect moments stray away
    as our earth contains doughnut grain displays.
    with frayed, not yet perfect, circles of hope
    families will cope - but it's hurtful to choke
    what life they have left from them...
    what if we opened air ways, what then?
    does friends ever come before money?
    deny us nothing, reforming's lovely -
    and we'll do it to get past the lies
    wash away everything in a bath of ties
    that won't bind us until we choke
    but instead together, and that's all she wrote!

    a woman with the want for a face
    a man who wishes life before age
    and inside another, they pour out fake -
    puppet shows that have more to illustrate.

    blame the one's beneath me, the fault is theirs
    look at the way they treat me, no one really cares
    it's the affair's of the wrong doing they deliver
    im the betrayed one, being dared until the river's
    of tears, the tragedy of not fending with strength
    i sink like a ship of courage trapped beneath steam
    anger for these stranger's, the bullies of pure jealousy
    out to erase success, failure they were selling me
    drunken hate for other's, is what now posesses me
    the mentality of life takers, crawled in and molested me
    the fresh stream of life, in which i use to freely swim
    became infested with the other's, im now one of them

    a woman with the want for a face
    a man who wishes life before age
    and inside another, they pour out fake -
    puppet shows that have more to illustrate.
    Last edited by Kaotic Theory; February 29th, 2008 at 04:35 AM
    AI

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  2. #2
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    AI

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  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-360541.html





    good shit. leave links all you hoes.

  4. #4
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    bump to the sky...

  5. #5
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    wow no feed, someone please read this and leave quality feed, would be very much appreciated
    AI

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  6. #6
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    I got you.

    Picture: The picture was sick as fuck. I wish I would've stumbled across this, because I would have loved to write to it. When you look at it in detail, its pretty sketched out, and I think that's the best style to have for a picture to write to. Nice shit to whoever found it.

    Cry: You had a simplistic; audio-like flow. I like it personally because it's similar to mine. You had some nice metaphors that you don't normally see in this section, which is supposed to be vital to any verse. But as we all know, all they want to see these days is multies and fluent flow. I think you had a hybrid of a verse because you provided both sides of the story. Good job on doing that, just keep trying to do it every time you write until you master it. Oh, and for the record, I'm sorry for overlooking you in OM often. You do have skill, you just got to put it out there all in one piece and promote it until everyone sees it and gets hooked. You can be a great writer. Keep writing.

    Kaotic: You had a nice verse, it lacked in multies and flow compared to Cry's, but he had almost grade A fluency, so I didn't expect you to pull out infront. You did have more poetic like concepts, and metaphores. So, you picked up on one end, which helped balance out your verse. You could also be a great writer. You just have to exicute on what you can do. I know you have it in you so it's bullshit to say you need to elevate. I think you'd be 2 times better if you'd just slow your roll and take your time. Make sure you put in the words you want to be said.

    Overall: Nice collab. You kept my interest and I'm glad I read it. To be honest I think I just tought myself something. So I'll be writing soon, be sure to check it out. Thanks for feeding my piece Kao, Cry; I'd love it if you could hit it up as well. You both have skill that's there, you just need to take your time and let it show. Keep writing, dope shit. Hit me up for a collab sometime, either one of you. Just get a topic or a pic and PM me.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  7. #7
    Is honestly...speaking
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    this pece right here was a quick and easy read, don't understand the slumber it has induced...anyway...as far as the collab goes...it was good to see that you both stuck to the same topic and that it wasnt like reading two different pieces just pasted on top of each other. The little bridge that yall came up with was pretty much perfect to follow the picture. Cry had a nice flow and painted detail behind the picture with a good tone in his imagery as did kaotic...whose flow was also there heavier on the end rhyme than the internals but it worked nonetheless. I think the styles complimented each other pretty well and allowed for an interesting read...keep up the work which is good.

    Please hit up this link and give your input...both:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...an-362223.html
    Writeobots...roll out

  8. #8
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    lol, you obviously aint been in SS in a while Jon... I'm a king sonz.
    but yeah, thanks for feed guys... I'll hit the links a bit later...

  9. #9
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    bump for feed
    AI

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  10. #10
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    Re: Controlled By Greed

    One of the better collabs I've seen from Cry....and who's Kaotic...
    I'm not familiar with his work...is why I'm asking.

    anyways I loved this piece from beggining to end.
    and this piece was crazy original...to me it got alot of points for that alone.

    A want for need is what we should breathe
    instead of following the if's of what could be
    while would be perfect moments stray away
    as our earth contains doughnut grain displays.
    with frayed, not yet perfect, circles of hope
    families will cope - but it's hurtful to choke
    great penmanship....
    and also mad emotion and imagery in these lines....they were my favorite in the piece.

    Rating- 9.8/10

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