A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

Then read the first post that was me writing Jay Z back

[Lenox]

Then read the first post that was me writing Jay Z back

Love you babygirl

[A Disciple]

Thank you @Lenox

[A Disciple]

Guys… it’s getting really weird… how my vv got stretch marks and is all mushy like I had a baby and my belly went there instead… but no… so really I do need help finding out what the fuck is up with my body for real

- - - Updated - - -

I noticed the first night I slept with my bf I started to lose my shape and stuff

- - - Updated - - -

They used me as a trash can for DECADES and I want to be free… idk how it happened to begin with

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not fighting THEIR demons for them either

- - - Updated - - -

My bf is a god sent and some people thinks he’s a little overzealous cause he got gps on me and my car but yo for real… weird shit happen and I get lost when I’m sick. He’s perfect!

- - - Updated - - -

It’s sad cause he a straight shot and can hit the smallest target on first shot… he tried to do military but had charges and they wouldn’t take him. He had kids young. He was facing 80 years but took the plea to 20 but had to suck up an extra hit on that one even now when he’s out and it’s not fair at all… I’m proud of my dishwasher who is now trying to establish his own cleaning business but like… yo I’m really proud and in love with my baby

- - - Updated - - -

I was 17 he was 19 when he went away

- - - Updated - - -

On some sacred… I didn’t know - he whole heartedly let me do my thing but I don’t know how he knew or trusted I’d be back

- - - Updated - - -

In the beginning I remember saying to myself idc I was with God… and then I found out what they did and that took me away from God a minute too

- - - Updated - - -

I have a promise ring but I don’t want to get engaged until I get out of cosmetology school… when sick I’m a mess with finances, drinking (which I stopped) and I left him in jail… the girl that held him down is established well and sane and still around. I don’t just take for granted that he’s going through to choose me cause in for better or worse… I know that my path is hard

- - - Updated - - -

I told my psych who the other psych wouldn’t call back and tell him how he brought me out of it that… it’s one thing to see it when you’re faded but when you see it sober that’s when it fucked me up… I trusted my drs, I trusted psych… so I’m mad as hell right now too

- - - Updated - - -

Never took a hallucinogenic so I get really upset when I hallucinate

- - - Updated - - -

You can’t tell if you’re dead or alive cause it’s so impossible

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not the pill popper either… not into that… no shrooms crack heroine anything else but… weed, liquor, and yay (2 offs took e less then 10x and smoked wet once by accident. But really the addict isn’t me… and I get so pissed when they try to say that

- - - Updated - - -

I quit drinking… one vice at a time

- - - Updated - - -

I got over gambling…

- - - Updated - - -

My bf asked me if I regret trying it and I’m kinda like no… cause I could finally sit still

- - - Updated - - -

And be alone

- - - Updated - - -

I asked him if he think they ever gonna make it medicinal too… he said they better not - he hates that I did it

- - - Updated - - -

I have a very small family… my dad is only 2nd or 3rd generation in and my brother and sister and moms family small and are all scattered too far away

- - - Updated - - -

I wanted 8 kids but hey…

- - - Updated - - -

I really don’t know if I had one when I was 14… I lost an entire year in psych and I just know how I remembered is wrong

- - - Updated - - -

It’s fucked up… it’s different now… it’s worse… and they don’t follow the law… I know for fact that my dr had a legal obligation to report my assault and didn’t

- - - Updated - - -

And I got arrested for stealing a car running anyway but the courts didn’t check my dr either

- - - Updated - - -

Why they told everybody else but me?

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah I went insane and blocked it out but I would’ve saved SO MUCH humiliation if they just sat me down and explained it to me

- - - Updated - - -

I remember bleeding black on that urine when they rushed me in

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not a vampire - that’s internal damage and i should’ve seen my obgyn

- - - Updated - - -

Is that why we can’t get pregnant?

- - - Updated - - -

I’m too sick still anyway but still…

- - - Updated - - -

Ever since the 3 bangs I get my period like clock work

- - - Updated - - -

If I got shot and nobody has explained this to me… they better now for real

[A Disciple]

I’m not a toy, test case, or lab rat and that’s what it feel like… like my entire life just donated

[A Disciple]

I miss my fire…


Log Out
User Control Panel
Your Profile
Your Notifications: 6
Welcome, A Disciple.
Register
Forum
New PostsPrivate MessagesFAQCalendarCommunity Forum Actions Quick Links
Mailing Lists
Rankings
Facebook
YouTube
Affiliates
Submit
Advanced Search
HomeForumRB ShowcaseOpen Mic Heaven or Hell
User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread Showing results 1 to 8 of 8
Thread: Heaven or Hell
Thread Tools
Search Thread
Rate This Thread
December 26th, 2013, 01:43 AM #1
CLA919 CLA919 is offline
Banned
Join Date
Jan 2011
Location
NY, CT,



Heaven or Hell
Heaven or Hell


The things that we do just to make it through
Have you wondering what the fuck was I supposed to do
I believe in God AND the other fallen angel…
But I can’t punk out cause I see the other Stalin (stallen) angle
Can’t believe in one without the other
It’s like turning on my own fucking brother
It’s like comforting a widow or a grieving mother
Knowing, you still know another
Well I was just trying to make sense of it all
They chose to live life up and I chose to ball
They look down on you and try to make you look small
I don’t know who he is, but believe me I know his call
When it’s torture I do a line just to numb up
When it’s Fortier I play the ditz just to dumb up
Use my 4.0 for these streets and the plans I can drum up
And I ain’t got a team no more, dolo on the come up
Street sweeper, cleaning all the scavenger scum up
My pen, it turns into a ouji
Weeding cowards out like water out of a squeegee
The eyes in back of me
Have always been eyes that only I can see
They bring me comfort in my terrors throughout the night
I hear the whisper as if children cry like a lullaby when I’m searching without the light
And it ain’t pretty, and it ain’t cute
And where I am going I hardly dispute

Hook

I manned up, I started banging bullies on their backs
Get my fortune read to forewarn of attacks
To make it thru I used to drive with burners under my seat
I ran so much that I deserve the credit for flooding the street
And don’t you think I feel bad for evading that pod
But life equals up somehow to uneven the odd
The 3 little pigs, spent their careers tryin to squeeze me
3 in the hole and I got one just for popping breezy
And you look at me and think my life is all fucking easy
At any given moment we can be called just to appease he
And you know Valhalla’s fable
And there’s no doubt I am eating at that table
I know the power of my spirit horse when drilled in life and death
And I am on borrowed time so you best believe my brethren get my last breath
I know I suffer in the next so let me be free now
And I ain’t trying to repent cause we reep what we sow
Hell of a decision, die, kill, or go to jail
Either way we set up to fail
So what do you believe in? … heaven or hell
I think the la de dah church shit got most folk under a spell
I mean whose to say whose story they tell
I mean, let’s just be real why else the angel fell
I wanna hear two sides, please tell me a book was written
It’s all stories just like the little kitten that lost it’s mitten

Hook

Judged for the things we do
Judged by who
Judged by everyone
Judged these days even if you legally own a gun
Judged by your past, for the past shit you done
You even judged if you stand firm or you decide to run
Judged for your son, judged for your daughter
Ok by you all I don’t believe in that order
The order to tall
So give me the chains and strap me to that wall
All because I jumped in when I heard a prisoner call
And if we all write, then we all right
A gift of intellect, use it for sight
Use it for peace, use it for the fall
Use it at least, but when you do – just give it your all
And I can go on for 100 fucking bars
But I know in the end when I wake up it’d be in fucking MARS
Never fear God cause a true leader doesn’t use fear just to lead you
Never fear the devil, cause believe me he see through
Fear no man, only what fear just what you might do
And judge no one for what they do just to get thru.

- - - Updated - - -



Pac idk how I got an Angel like you… you too bigs you know I see you too

- - - Updated - - -

Did you know my maybe babies dad? Or did God just work thru you too?

- - - Updated - - -

Sad as fuck tonight… but I have to learn and remember how to be strong again

[A Disciple]

The day the world stood still…

If my pen was a paintbrush, I’d paint a picture to see.
A story in time; when da walls closed n on me.
It was the day the world stood still, innocence lost, and tragedy fill
A day of ending and new beginning –
Witnessed a war: righteousness vs. sinning.
The day started as one of pride,
I couldn’t imagine the secrets the night would hide.
I couldn’t imagine the faith I would come to learn,
Or the realities brought forth of souls doomed to burn.

Don’t know the alpha or the omega, neither was in sight,
but I do know the harsh reality of my bliss that night.
Perhaps I'll never know why I was the only one in the room…
And perhaps I’ll never stop wondering if ultimately it'd be my doom.
Felt like an eternity standing toe to toe,
All the while --- thinking to myself friend or foe?
I looked at him and he looked back at me it seemed it was forever, paralyzed an eternity.
But it wasn't the eyes of my enemy,
More like a familiar stare I became aware that was long lost to me.
But yes, the eyes were cold, they were dark, and they were piercing me,
What courage it took for the angel who ran upstairs to rescue me,
at that moment I realized a hero is way more than anything I could ever hope to be.


I flew down the stairs, passed the quiet guard,
jumped over the porch landed on my feet into the yard,
And there I stood as if I was in this world alone,
and I wasn’t snapped back until to the ground I was thrown.

I think I was in awe, cause I realized the ramifications of what I just saw.
“For by thee I have run through a troop; and by God have leaped over a wall”
Literally!
For this is the night I believe the angels carried me –
The halos and horns I could see so vividly
That is why I believe in my heart a martyr fell before we.

Be still fear in our enemies with ignorance their disguise
Behold the angels with the tears in their eyes.
In that moment we all came to be one – there was no divisible sides,
Together we stood and for a second coexistence won.
There together to witness and mourn the wrong that has been done.
And that is the true meaning of loss when you all wanna talk about “lost one.”

And to he, at his last breath I think he took me too,
And left a lasting impression too real and too true.
For I felt the weight lifted when a spirit was called home and I knew it was accepted,
Not left here to roam.
It wasn’t at that moment I felt restored to reality
But the world stood still did not move again until I felt that first snowflake touch me.
Now, hail Mary

My bf was the toe toe… and now we are fighting again

- - - Updated - - -



- - - Updated - - -

How did he know Mari ju wanna

- - - Updated - - -

That’s when Hollins got shot… I was 16

- - - Updated - - -

My first slow mo… but the best one was me and my ex was outside this club in Stamford after it got out and I was sitting in the car waiting but they were outside talking. I saw the slow mo so a sat up and this red car was driving slow with dark tint but the window came down like 3/4 the way and I thought I saw a barrel and screamed…. Everyone ducked and the red car slammed on its breaks and then drove away fast… that was a save and a fun one too… that was the night he smacked me Buddha smh (we broke up a little bit after that so that’s why I wrote was it for all it was)

- - - Updated - - -

Damn I can’t find Keep it Movin … why you all do that though?

[A Disciple]

To: I Hate You

Fred, ⭐️

You can’t turtle this no more cause they have them thinking I was some type of whore… No… 4!!!!
It was 2 but between me and you I do wanna see you make it too
Tell your girl her dreams for you
Now I understand why females be acting like or looking at me funny
But ask CH how and when we making some money…
But cool between 3 and 10 I caught the spin and like
I just didn’t, didn’t do it to win…
My mistake was I letting him in
Just had to lock the car door
Fuck love guess I’m just into making money more
It’s been a while since I felt real love
It’d be a sin to waste it making money in haste
Just….
I like the salt more to the sugar to taste
Then he said it was all a waste
Tell D I took 3 of them when he passed out… back to back but didn’t black out
Just always been trying to figure this shit out
Mar I still hear you say No doubt
Can someone watch over and give me peace tonight? I need to air out…
You got no clue what this shit about

- - - Updated - - -



- - - Updated - - -

If people wanna do it too like listen to a song and write back… I learned that in therapy and school

[A Disciple]

Guys serious question not thot question… me and my bf were together 2+ years… we’ve been broken up since thanksgiving and I want to know how long I should wait before I date again

[A Disciple]

To: Sky Scrapers




I understand but you demanded my plan and pain
every time I think I got what I want - you took it away the same
It’s our choice we both were in this relationship together and you took that choice from me
And you’re fine but I’m alone zoned and blind and still can’t fucking see
And once again it feel like no one is protecting me
(I hold my breath idky cause it’s that gross maybe)
It wasn’t you
It wasn’t true
It wasn’t me

Baby steps building didnt take long falling back down
Just you couldn’t hear me calling with the wind so wild around
And I whisper dead cause “ I just can’t make a sound “
I knew it was you… I know
NOTHING… you know how to talk to my soul secretly
But you promised you would never keep a secret from me
Or a bad thing spoken or told
If this shit a game then tell me why I can’t fold
I hope this is the worst of a person you’d be
If for all it was for fake - I would die
“Like I silently cried yesterday now I know why but still just can’t say good bye”
But I have to
It wasn’t you
It wasn’t true
It wasn’t me
I’m

[Lenox]

Incredible lyrics u need to record that

- - - Updated - - -

U gotta good singing voice? I need u on my album

[A Disciple]

@Lenox hell no I can’t sing for shit I can hardly read back my own lyrics… lol but what you want? Take something and make it your own with your own flow… usually when I write to songs I’m in their flow writing back

- - - Updated - - -



Having a hard day being an adult child and I feel bad cause I keep snapping at my mom… me and my bf took a break and I haven’t hardly been able to sleep or eat for like 3-4 days now and I’m positive she thinks it’s the coke or that I’m doing it ;o( I’m not a brat I don’t like my situation and I miss having my own money being able to support myself again

[Lenox]

@Lenox hell no I can’t sing for shit I can hardly read back my own lyrics… lol but what you want? Take something and make it your own with your own flow… usually when I write to songs I’m in their flow writing back

- - - Updated - - -



Having a hard day being an adult child and I feel bad cause I keep snapping at my mom… me and my bf took a break and I haven’t hardly been able to sleep or eat for like 3-4 days now and I’m positive she thinks it’s the coke or that I’m doing it ;o( I’m not a brat I don’t like my situation and I miss having my own money being able to support myself again

I love you

- - - Updated - - -

Come get you a real man like me who will take care of you and keep you clean off those gay hard drugs

[daveDILLY]

lol

[Baron Mynd]

gone @ how my vv got stretch marks