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Thread: How Does My Breath Smell?

  1. #1

    How Does My Breath Smell?

    Why do I feel like a giant?
    A diamond, the king of the pride, a lion.
    I feel like I'm flyin.
    I feel like I'm not even tryin, a fire inside that's iron.
    With the whole world on my shoulders, like boulders.
    I'm over the edge and colder than the body of a dead soldier.
    I've been to the worst parts of the earth.
    And worse, I can paint pictures of purgatory with words.
    Give it birth, I'm the first and the last of these tactics.
    A classic, and I can kick ass with a passion.
    A has been, still am the man with the antics.
    Caskets are laid out for all of these faggots.
    And I'ma be back at it sellin rose baskets.
    Why do I feel so evil?
    Premeditated murder, but still so legal.
    I rise to the top like an eagle.
    The eye of the needle, shout out to my people.
    Life as uh muthafucking kingpin, smokin, drinkin.
    Rollin dice, iced out lookin nice, like.
    What the fuck?
    Giddiyup, yup, nigga what, what?
    I'ma thug, you don't wanna get fucked up.
    Like a crocadile.
    Bitch, look at me now, I'm like Chris Brown.
    In one big room fulla pussy niggas.
    And you can throw your rag on the ground.
    And we can throw down.
    But I don't throw my rag on the ground.
    And why do I feel like a titan?
    I could shake the earth, like thunder and lightnin.
    Optimism aint gettin you closer.
    Nobody knows, aint none uh them seen this shit before.
    Off the top, I'ma let it drop and ride out.
    They at the house, but I aint at the hideout.
    Cuz muthafucka, I'ma boss.
    I creep past slow and then I set this bitch off.
    You thought, I was gonna run from the law.
    But then I had enough time to check your damn socks and all.
    So you know I got a way with the dough.
    I crank up my stereo, what do you know?
    It was...



    And that wasn't intended to rhyme.
    It's just that crime has a way of makin music with a fourty five.
    At fourty five feet away, there's no tracing.
    Cuz I prefer revolvers, and they don't leave a casing.
    Money in the bank, that's why they call it banking.
    I'm him, self motivating, operating, elevating.
    Call your lady, tell her why you're in the ambulance and waiting.
    I'm the doctor who prescribes the flower, I got power.
    I will shower you with bullets, mullet cuts to your skull and such.
    Fuck it if you sow it up, trust that I'ma murderah...
    Last edited by N.F.M.; September 21st, 2011 at 03:46 PM

  2. #2

    Re: How Does My Breath Smell?

    I will try to have 3 links up within the next 24 hours. I want to make sure I leave good, useful feedback.

  3. #3
    Inspirin Del's Avatar
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    Re: How Does My Breath Smell?

    I'd say the usual for freestyles on here... flow is better at the start, mostly decent lines but metaphors and overall could be more complex. There were some parts you should try to make rhyme better with the flow, some spots were a little rough. Lastly, make sure that you make logical enough connections that the freestyle can be followed by listeners/readers becuase this ^ leaves some people behind in a few spots. Overall ok, keep elevatin bro
    A poem should curve
    like the bell of a tulip,
    or a pistol grip.


    ~Joel Dias-Porter

  4. #4

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