Week 10: FreshADiddle vs Silk Sky (Fresh Wins)

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html

Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.

[Silk Sky]

ah, finally. I think it's highly appropriate that we face each other before we team up next week. Gl freshy!

[FreshADiddle]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...153/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...153/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post7908737

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...151/index.html

[FreshADiddle]

http://i55.tinypic.com/1232r8n.jpg

Father Knows Best

The promises he made me are impossible to keep;
so I steep tea leaves too remarkable to read.
An improbable beauty is this life in paradoxes;
So I compartmentalize thoughts into pencil boxes.
But the utensils are issues, stenciled by genetics
Coded and broken by society's Dianetics....
Self help aesthetics can't cure the inherent blues...
of the forgotten potential of a parent's truths
that never bare fruit in a reality of war;
where my morals must fight the legality of whores.
See...
Past wisdoms are irrelevant and obsolete;
Conformity is the drummer, I can't march off beat.
This fallacy explores the common dichotomies
of "Father knows best" from a fallen child prodigy.
They bring...
Guarantees of peace and a limitless future;
"Simply apply your best and avoid frivolous stupor."
But fickleness's cooler, just read the signs of our times;
Wars lit up by bright lights, soccer moms chopping out lines
of their kid's ritalin...with their homes in foreclosure.
Still ethnocentric despite the world wide exposure
Of the internet....we're even in a global economy
Yet we still drop bombs on vocal theocracies.
With woeful hypocrisy, our false prophets speak loud;
Guiding us towards targets that promise chic crowds;
And each week proud people are disappointed
by Sunday papers full of debt and unemployment
rates that are stuck in the quagmire of Washington...
Where progress is stopped as if there's not enough oxygen
for us ALL to breath...yet MY greatest effort is expected...
Well forgive me Father, cause I refuse to be directed
Into an existence where my energy is wasted
And society tells me lies tenderly, yet blatant.
This treachery has jaded my outlook of those "blessed";
With cess in my chest, I know that NOBODY knows best.

[Silk Sky]

Behind These Walls


He had barbed wire wrapped round his mind
proverbial Jesus, trapped deep down inside
he woke up to a nightmare, crying by the grave
the love was dead, but he's trying to be brave
he stood tall, and the roses bowed in agony
crack on granite, the loss found was maddening
fact in tangents- since then he'd grown apart
opaque surface, worthless, matched his own heart
he knew it was coming, and she'd told him to be brave
but he's without a light and its cold in this cave
spiders crawl, the jet legs scuttle on his face
with each tear he feels muddled with the pain
he lays a fresh flower where she lays- and prays
"let her be happier than me" he says with his gaze
and then he walks away- his own self left behind
to guard her resting place, as eminent as time

a robot walked to work and did what was asked
his body locked and jerked, they saw him masked
plastered grin, disaster within a glass cookie jar
friends saw a man coping but they weren't looking far
they hailed him for being strong and holding on
but even stones crumble when their foundation's gone
and he finally cracked...

he went back to the grave, took a shovel to find his mate
opened up the granite pain and tried to hide the blame
his knife contorted the corpse but he wanted so much more
his own blood covered what he had been fighting for
he cut out her heart, because she said he owned her life
put it in his jar, and built up hate to guard the prize
and every night he rocked back and forth and called
"I loved you but now I'll keep the truth
behind these bloodless walls"

[Cody Nash]

Silk... this was cool. I think some parts were a bit basic, but still enjoyable really. I don't have too many complaints. conceptually decent. a man with a dark secret eh? It turned out cool. I would've liked to see more development in the middle stanza.. could've been cooler to get more "hints" toward the ending before we got there so quickly ya know? Still, as is... it was pretty dope. flow was good.. can't complain about the wording aside from like I said, some parts being a bit basic/predictable in their own way. but wod.. dope shit!


Fresh.. this was sick as hell imo. I was into it. there were a couple parts I almost lost ya at, and a couple parts where the flow of it felt a bit weird to me.. but for most of the drop I was involved. I dig the idea.. lots of good content within the lines... the oxygen bit was dope as fuck imo, really went well with the concept overall. the ending was dope.. I LOVE most of all how well this piece went with the picture itself after I was finished reading it and scrolled up to look again. Kind've made me smirk a little based on how well it fit with the idea in the end. I wasn't sure where you were going really, then it all wrapped itself up and made perfect sense. Good rhyming... wording was cool.. no TRUE complaints aside from the little nitpicks I began my feed with...


Vote FreshADiddle... I think this was really close tbh. It could go either way. Fresh was the stronger writer for me though when you take creativity into account. I think Silks was a more visual concept which was cool.. but Fresh took me with her dope content/creative idea involving the picture. Good match ladies, as expected!

[Malice]

Fresh: Great interpretation of the picture, i think this metaphorical piece was impressive, the word i would use to describe it would be "effortless"

reason being is it all just ran together seamlessly, even with some high end word choice that can really freeze up a reader or hurt to flow of everything, i felt you blended them in this very well.

i dont have to much to say other than that, i mean you came with a pretty unique idea that really hits home in regards to that picture and the relevancy of today's society, excellent...

Into an existence where my energy is wasted
And society tells me lies tenderly, yet blatant.
^the second line in this was my favorite, kind of identify with it but even outside of my own personal identification, i really feel like this statement is a perfect summary or what the essence of the piece is conveying

Silk: In respects to your last piece, i feel like you had a tad simpler drop here, in terms of rhyme scheme.

but that aside..

you had some good vocab, and here and there you had some conceptually creative lines and an individual basis. the structure here was simpler too compared to the past few weeks, i have been really impressed with how you've been presenting your pieces conceptually as well as structurally, and i think you just didnt quite emulate that this week

as far as the concept this week, umm the core of it was original, but it felt SO rushed, you just really didnt carry the right pace in this. the first stanza really focused on detail of the moment and was really done well, then the second was appropriate, a little empty on foreshadowing, but good all the same, and then suddenly it was just a rush to steal her heart, and it just was so fast i couldnt appreciate it, and the pacing you set with the opening stanza really created an expectation of the verse as a whole, and i think it causes the rushed feel at the end feel not quite there.

you started out well, and i feel as though maybe you ran outta time and just knocked out as much as you could before you didnt have the time to finish

friends saw a man coping but they weren't looking far
^i wanted to see more of this

this was an excellent line, and more so excellent in the build up of the character's potential tall tell heart type issues

i think had you put all the effort you had in this, it could of been really cool, not my favorite from you, decent nonetheless, but a clear rushed feel in it

Overall: Fresh came really solid with her interpretation and the concept was just spot on, Silk unfortunately had some pacing issues which hurt the piece overall

v. Fresh

[FreshADiddle]

DUE TO THIS WEEK BEING AN OFF WEEK, VOTING IS EXTENDED UNTIL TUESDAY AT 11:59pm PST
Voting
-Vote on 4 battles & drop links in your check-in, -1 vote for every missing link
-Give a reasonable explanations for your votes
-Don’t ask someone to vote in your battle or you will be DQed
-The mod will decide on an individual basis if votes from people outside the league will count

[Joseph Grey]

Fresh - I liked how you used the topic "father knows best", it was a real rebel's piece which is the kinda stuff i tend to be into. I read through this almost effortlessly because of how good the wording was. The main point of the piece, how nobody knows best and the bullshit the comes behind "fathers" knowing best was sick. You really got some rhyme skills, internals all over the place and nothing was stretched or off-pace to me. Dope drop, but tbh i don't think using that picture was necessary... i know it looks pretty and all but that title was all that was needed to introduce ur piece.

Silk - I really liked the morbid imagery and the nice rhyme-scheme. The concept was cool, but my only complaint is that I've read so many pieces about a dead lover and it's starting to annoy me lol... still, you came hard with this.

v/Fresh just more enjoyable and showed more intellect. It was two different types of pieces, being that silk focused more on emotion, but fresh was overall better, especially with the rhyming.

[The Nav Man™]

Fresh-This was beautifully written.
All of the content flowed very well.
Wasn't really choppy at all, didn't need to stop.
Wording was executed nice.
The concept was executed well also.
Almost flawless, fluent wording and structure.
Some of my favorite parts...

Past wisdoms are irrelevant and obsolete;
Conformity is the drummer, I can't march off beat.
This fallacy explores the common dichotomies
of "Father knows best" from a fallen child prodigy.

With woeful hypocrisy, our false prophets speak loud;
Guiding us towards targets that promise chic crowds;

I could almost pick any lines though lol.
This was a very nice piece Fresh, good job.



Silky-This was a good piece as well.
Vocab was a little on the low side.
Flow was well, simple-ish rhymes.
Story was sweet though, the last verse was good to end it off.
Smooth read.
Some parts I liked most..

fact in tangents- since then he'd grown apart
opaque surface, worthless, matched his own heart

plastered grin, disaster within a glass cookie jar
friends saw a man coping but they weren't looking far

Drop seemed a little simple as far as rhyming, vocab, etc.
But the story/content was definitely there.
Good piece Silk.

V/Fresh.
All round more enjoyable and better written piece.
Good pieces by both though..

[Dex'Labb]

Freshadabble - This was extra cool. The ending with the NOBODY knows best line, how real is that hauuuuh? That was a dope line. LOTB. Um, U did actually a pretty good job of incorperating those first few bars into a different storyline, I don't think anyone would of looked twice. I'm really into the nasty, gritty, life - tangent type lines, here was what I really felt:

Past wisdoms are irrelevant and obsolete;
Conformity is the drummer, I can't march off beat.

This treachery has jaded my outlook of those "blessed";
With cess in my chest, I know that NOBODY knows best

^ Lol I just had to quote it. And just a note, that line wouldn't of been sick if you didn't bold "NOBODY." Sometimes the most effective lines are those that make a statement without words, yah dig? Ahh moving on, this was cool. I felt that at some points, your mechanics were a bit shotty, like the whole paradoxes/pencil boxes thing, I didn't think it was very linear, but for the most part, I really enjoyed this. On an emotional level I could really connect to this, you have a Viva La Revolución vibe about you, it's reflected in your verses, I personally think it's a positive trait.

Silk - I was really interested to see what you'd come with cause I did same topic this week. I was a bit impressed cause I think this was your best verse yet so far. It was an improvement from the usual, the rhymes improved, an attempt was made at solid mechanics. Wow @ these lines, where the fuck did this shit come from?

a robot walked to work and did what was asked
his body locked and jerked, they saw him masked
plastered grin, disaster within a glass cookie jar
friends saw a man coping but they weren't looking far

That was actually dope. Like I gotta give respect where it's deserved & those were very effective lines! But um, If I can nit pick..the verse didn't really have closure. I mean, were still left wondering..how did she die? Did he kill her? Did she kill herself? You know? This was to me, incomplete in a sense. The mechanics were not as strong as freshes IMO, and the word choice could have been less colloquial. I think this is a step in the right direction for you Silk.

My vote this week goes to Fresh, for having the better concept, and mechanics to her verse. But..I think Fresh could come alot harder than she did this week to be honest, so let this be a prelude for what is to come in the future from both of yalls.

[Galactus The Devourer]

Fresh some really nice ideas and metas sprinkled throughout ya drop, nice flow and some good multis, I liked the start a lot it was more so the young girl speaking in first person then that sorta faded away into an array of complex vocab and concepts which imo distanced me from the 1st person perspective if that makes since, I though mechanics were all solid and that ur drop was a real hard 1 to beat ,

Silk oceans
I really enjoyed this tbh, the whole segment about his foundation was just really well put together, your rhymes were too simple as to take away from anything and lack of a solid structure I really don't care about reading something that is a strick abab format for me get monotonous I like switchups and a random breakdown hurr or there


Like cry said this was very close battle and I am gonna vote fresh flames on preference alone


Werd pz and respect

[Galactus The Devourer]

That barely makes sense but I'm at work and wicked tired so




Deal wit it haha

[Cody Nash]

6-0, Fresh snags that KO win.