only god can judge me, but go ahead anyway plz

[Trip C]

this is to the instrumental of "the food" . . so i kinda went wit the melody of it.

IM BROKE STILL, I SELL SOAP INSTEAD OF COKE STILL, I TRY HARD TO LIVE STR8 BUT THAT DONT PAY MY PHONE BILL,
MY MOMS STILL WORRIED, AND IM IN ASUCH A HURRY, TO MAKE IT RAIN HUNDREDS SO FOR NOW ITS SNOW FLURRIES,
BUT EVEN WHEN IM FOCUSED, IM FEELIN KINDA HOPELESS,
I SELL DOPE AND AM DOPE, BUT AINT AS DOPE AS HOV IS,
AND HE AINT HAVE IT HANDED, PLUS YO IM COME FROM KANSAS,
SO EVEN IF I CAN RAP MOST GON' SAY I CANT SPIT,
LIFE IS SO HARD, NOT TO MENTION UNFAIR,
SO TELL ME Y GOD, U ACTIN LIKE U AINT THERE,
BECAUSE I TRY HARD, BUT IT SEEMS SHE DONT CARE,
SO I SELL RAW,\AND TRY TO NOT SEE MIRRORS,

...I tried

TAHTS ALL I GOT RITE NOW. never really don this, ive studied the hell outta all hip hop, so u tell me wuts wrong or wuts right, and could get better.

[Baron Mynd]

This seemed more like a keystyle than a written, which you'll find are of the majority in this forum. You seem to have a basic grasp of multies etc and the basics down, so just keep at it. Maybe spend a bit of time on actually writing a verse out rather than doing something on the spot.

The flow was pretty easy to find in this though, maybe lose the caps lock just because it hurts the eyes. Lol.

Keep that pen moving...

[Trip C]

aite man preciate that

[Daz]

<-- Trip B.

[Emajanashun]

this was a little plain, just keep posting shit and itll get better
good choice on beat to write to

[Trip C]

ya i feel u i t was plain. . i cant help that sumtimes tho cuz i kinda have a dark or not dark but like a gutter kind of feel to when i write. . idk, like alotta people rap and they just talk about bullshit and dont ever say anything.. im backwards, i get to where i get on sum fuck life trip , like all i know how to rap is hopelesness. idk. if anyone has a suggestion on how to lighten myself up alittle im open to it. . i feel like all i have to talk about is bein down n out. . . like i said anything would be appreciated yall

[nin0x]

i didnt feel it much man it was,nt really hard hitting or memorable and i didnt see much concept