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Thread: Enigma

  1. #1
    Newbie B--Red's Avatar
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    Enigma

    I wrote this a few weeks ago. Refined it a bit so check it out.


    Swallow two tabs of E and go to a rave//
    and save yourself from your existence.//
    Persistence is the key to be whatever it is you wanna be.//
    Take a look at me and you'll believe//
    this is what I do. This is who I am.//
    Give yourself a hand, pat on the back.//
    Attack the plan with the ferocity you see on Animal Planet.// Everybody's born with a clean slate.//
    It doesn't get marred till you start to hate//
    the people, the government, the entire scene.//
    Individuality's not as easy as it seems.//
    Live on one path so when you're stuck in a hole//
    you can figure out a way to save your soul.//
    Without being something you're not.//
    Even if it means you'll end up shot.//

  2. #2
    S.O.L.D. ENTERTAINMENT BLuNT's Avatar
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    that one's better bud... you had a few nice bars, you really gotta work on word play...

    Live on one path so when you're stuck in a hole//
    you can figure out a way to save your soul.//

    ^ I liked how that flowed...

    yea the only advice I can give you is work on word play, you got a mad vocab, rhyme scheme plays out pretty well, all you gotta do is throw in some mind boggling play on words...

    peace 1
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  3. #3
    S.O.L.D. ENTERTAINMENT BLuNT's Avatar
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    jus to let you know man, you gotta respond to other peoples shit or you ain't gonna get no responses...
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  4. #4
    Enigmatic
    Guest

    .Newbie.

    You gotta lot of work to do... it was aight though, for only having that few of posts.

  5. #5
    JaE
    Guest
    flow was way off, interesting rhyme scheme though, if you polish yo shit, you could have sumthin

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