Blink and they're gone.

[Orc]

Abnormal creatures,
Vanity wrecks & affects sanity that adorn our features.
Abhorred damn leeches, each is miniscule,
Colonised yet sodomised to seek/diminish rule.
Eek! A finished tool, four legs well adapted for leaping,
Putrid stench for a ruthless wench, re-enacting a greeting.
The female is the life giver,
Laying eggs which amount to a white river.
A slight shiver of movement may tickle the host,
& when they look down it's gone,
The fleeing beings crude trick is too fickle for most!
Blood trickles from post bites,
Vampirical mindframes which cower at most light,
Hysterical blind dames overpower the host's might
Their power is ghost-like
Feeding goblets as they cup flesh in their claws,
Best if you pause, got this?
*SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH*
Now the hosts bleeding droplets!
Feeding off flesh and raw meat, faeces, a small feat,
Host screeching 'Back, off freak!' ..
Human's crude guile is proven futile as the force eats.
..With fangs bigger than horse teeth!
Creeping by night to avoid intrusion,
..Leaping by choice to try infuse some,
Prying allusion, of a lacklustre human into crying, confusion.
The demon's can't be crushed between a palm,
It's a matter of keeping calm, and becoming a thinker, frail.
And mutilating the fiends by means of a fingernail!
Uh-oh, it's a stinker ; fail. As still the number might climb,
..As the female lays 500 eggs in under a lifetime!
Leaving blemishes in accordance with feeding rites,
Relishing sin, eventually slim ; larvae needing life.
All work no play for these leaping mites!
Try to fend off the loss of scarlet,
Wipe the blood, all thoughts reporting to thinking stations!
.....Mutter incantations coupled with crosses/garlic.
Winter comes, the parasites declare a truce,
Hibernating ; proving paradise is hair, it's true,
Lulling the host into a false sense of security,
Fencing with purity ; wingless flies bred in angst,
Silly fiend the doctor gives him cream ; host tells 'em thanks.
Just when you thought they were dead, the ranks?
Rousing action keeps them heading,
..For solace beneath your sheets and bedding.
Out of luck, FUCK! speaking of fear.
How do you kill somethin that doesn't eat in a year.

[Orc]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ht-362284.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ld-363047.html

[Liquid Content]

I don’t really know what to say about this man… the vocab was deffintly there and along with the complexity… but I don’t know the wording seemed a bit forced in some of the parts at the beginging and towards the end.. Very weird topic and picture never seen anything like this so I will deffintly give you props on doing a piece about bugs.. lol, Your rhymescheme was weird for me. @ some parts it would be an abab scheme and others it would be aabb scheme and that kind of threw me off with my flowing but whatever. Your piece was good I liked it for the most part I don’t really care about flaws aslong as I like the piece and I did here. Very weird topic and choice for an om though. You had some good lines like

Out of luck, FUCK! speaking of fear.
How do you kill somethin that doesn't eat in a year.

I really liked that.. very good word choice and it flowed very well. your grammer could use some touching up... try typing it up in word becasue when i posted your verse in word it just brought up alot of the red squigglies and i was like meh. All in all man I would probably give this piece a 8/10 but other might disagree with me but oh well. Keep it up man.

[Orc]

Thanks man.

[.SuiGeneris.]

This was a interesting Piece and its' about bugs. You had the idea but you didn't really put the nail in the coffin. The flow was kind of choppy because of the rhyme-scheme. Some word-choices were cool yet, some were forced just so it can match the flow. I think you was trying to come complex got caught up using big words. Sometimes for a good flow, its' better to use simple or average words with a good syllable count. As for the piece overall, I liked it cause of the idea and it was interesting. Didn't capital on the Techniques of a Good O.M. but next time before posting, look it over and make sure its' polish.

[Warming]

This was a pretty cool read, a little more structure might have it a little easier to follow

Feeding goblets as they cup flesh in their claws,
Best if you pause, got this?
*SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH*
Now the hosts bleeding droplets!
Feeding off flesh and raw meat, faeces, a small feat,
Host screeching 'Back, off freak!' ..
Human's crude guile is proven futile as the force eats.
..With fangs bigger than horse teeth!

I felt like your tone changed a lot during this section, and made it harder to take your piece seriously, though you reverted back to the original

You had pretty good flow for the most part, it was a little cumbersome in a few spots but for the most part the risks payed off

Interesting topic, keep at it

[Vincent Maestro]

this was good...but I can see how it might've been confusing.
I think this piece was not so much about bugs but about anything parasitical...and kinda about people with parasitical behavior types.
and about feeling drained by those types.

anyways tyte rhymescheme and superb vocab.........
this was a good read.....

thanks for the feed on my piece....much appreciated burden.
someone's not sleeping.......

my fav. lines in this were as follows:
Fencing with purity ; wingless flies bred in angst,
Silly fiend the doctor gives him cream ; host tells 'em thanks.
Just when you thought they were dead, the ranks?
Rousing action keeps them heading,
..For solace beneath your sheets and bedding.
Out of luck, FUCK! speaking of fear.
How do you kill somethin that doesn't eat in a year

the last few lines go great with the pic.......dope.

[Writeamus Prime]

yeah i think this piece here was good...certain issues with the flow, but it doesnt make it hard to follow when really paying attention...it just breaks in the fluidity of the reading, but i think if you are enjoying what you are reading then i have no problem with slowing it down and taking it as it comes. The emotion in here was cool...it was quickly paced and brisk as was the imagery. THe topic was cool and the piece was worded well too...so all in all it was good work not too much to complain about. Keep it up.

can you hit this link:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...el-363059.html

[Cody Nash]

wow, pretty dope if you asked me. concept was pretty original. straight forward too... Blink and they're gone... I like that... hehe... there was a lot of dope lines in here, and the ending one being the most perfect way to end the piece. you did good here man, a solid read about head lice. never something I thought I'd read about on here, but you surprised me. good shit.



- Nash

[Jon]

Yeah, I'ma hit it up...

I'ma be frank with ya, it was good... but, you have to learn, too much strenuous vocabulary is hard for the reader. Especially me, I'm young... I read it, knowing the words it just slowed the flow down... But its ok. The concept was somewhat fresh, Elemental Soul` did a piece like this last year and it got HoF. I don't think you exicuted quite like he did, yours was definantly good... but not on that level of 'great'. You could be a great writer, but its kind of hard to write about bugs... so I'll give you big props on that...

For the positive feed: You had really un-predictable rhymes, it was hard for me to tell when it was gonna rhyme, and then poof there's a multie. Nice shit on the rhymescheme, and I liked the flow, though the vocab dented it for me a little...

Overall, nice piece.