African bravery in me

[o'nest]

i inherited the bravery of my african ancestors...
absorbed the universe's energy and spitted disasters...
walked barefooted and naked thru sacred lands....
rattled with souls,battled with ghosts on deadly islands...
came back a winner and fell into SHAKA ZULU's hands
he embraced me and gave me his heart...
and said son;"u are a true african soldier,good luck"...
then i met STEVE BIKO...shouting "power to the people"
i was dazzled and confused wondering what's next...
nervous,shaking but still restless and ruthless...
told him i've been on a white man's farm...
but he wiped my face with his own tongue...
clinched his fist up and gave me power of words...
knowledge and wisdom kicked in me then i said it hurts...
"dont fight it,soon it will heal up"that's all he said...
and let the spirit of AZANIA live in you...
now i was brave enuf to walk solo thru bushes not avenues...
the initiation helped me to stay fresh and rude...
had strength,felt confident and victorious...
vomited my first ryhme and it was glorious...
it unleashed souls of deserted ZULU warriors...
went to war and crashed into heavenly barriers...
saw garden of eden but kept seaching for holy areas...
had only my blackness to destroy angels and aliens
took their wings and went toe-to-toe with GABRIEL...
defeated him before nazareth and he gave me light...
hesitated for a while..........then i thot.......
with this i can enhance the spirit of mankind....
was nearly shocked when i saw moses with my eyes...
he surrendered then i snatched his spear...
left virgin marry and jesus bursting in tears...
confronted GOD and sinked in his mind...
but he understood and gave me life...
"preach the gospel"he said and took a ride on cloud nine....
was over the moon,and went back to AFRICA a happy man...
and told my brothers and sisters "GOD is AFRICAN'......!!!




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=217079
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214413

[shellhead]

whoa this some deep shit, i like the rhyme skeme and way you progress through time and drop a lil knowledge. you kept it moving flowed very nice didn't lose me at all. man keep this up man you'll start the new X-clan. peace

[o'nest]

thanx a lot man that's inspiring,peace and keep it tight!!!

[BLUNT WRAP]

Good Verse Da Wording Was Good Lines Went Wit Da Flow But You Force Some Words To Rhyme But Da Vocabulary Made It Up Good Verse Keep Elavating

[o'nest]

thanx man,feedback appreciated.......need more feedback people!!!

[BLUNT WRAP]

No Doubt Keep It Up

[Spoken Deity]

NOT bad... but with this kind of topic, you have have more emotion and imagry...
I just think you didnt nail the topic... but its still not bad... keep elevating

[fine art]

yo thats some tight staff O, u writting eish nibling through my realm of thot yet i cant put on paper.

i registered as FINE ART so luk out 4 some ill eish 4ro me in the near future.

cant wait 4 our next recording session mfwethu, we gonna be blazing yo!

word!!!

[CrazyCarl]

You had some concepts that showed potential. You took the piece in a different way in the second half than it felt like it was leading up to. The structure and vocab were fine. Rhyming was alright, there's still room to add complexity. Putting in some more description before moving onto the next event would have allowed for more imagery.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=216255

[Daemon]

African bravery, like selling their friends into slavery...I mean...

A lot of this didn't rhyme, and your emotion and imagery was kind of lacking in most areas. Your vocabulary was decent, as was your flow even if it seemed to go off in some places. Your topic was alright as well, and wording was fine. Not the workings of a great piece, but the potential to get there.

Hit me up with some feedback: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=217762