Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Truth Iscariot
Each painful day in service i feel more as if I've failed
I'm a clandestine Clydesdale with a story to tell
My heart pumps mightily and in utter bitterness
Against demons fighting me I spit at repentance
Chuckle at the life sentence bestowed from the heavens
Without a single thought of benevolence or fairness
I am the creature bred to endure hardships grave allure
Plagued by a disease I cannot stave off or cure
This damned stubborn nature that won’t grow fainter
It only aches greater as the days grow plainer
I stampede forward hoping tomorrow will live up to promise
Each wild place I roam is void of freedom or bliss
Thus goes life without a master or blinders to guide you
A Hell where sun shines blisteringly there’s no shade to hide you
No saint to confide to, no sugar cubes or oats
To replenish the galloping life force who is finding it hard to cope
But I am the creature bred to endure
The four-legged Atlas carrying a wicked world – so impure
And unworthy of leading a beast such as I
Unwittingly at ease as toward oblivion we ride
They don’t acknowledge my pain or my will to confide
My displeasure measured daily against aspirations
Knowing I’ll be discarded upon the eve of innovation
Knowing fully they’ll be rid of me once I’ve fulfilled their needs
Am I beast? No I am a man and inside my weary heart beats
The Hooves of a bottled, raging Steed
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs30/i/20...in-d29816u.jpg
I quoted the whole thing because it was good the whole way thru my G. Ur talented.
I'm so sad right now. You have made me wish to hit the lottery buy a field and horses and let them roam all day and make ponies.
Ughhh your reads depress me so!! Now all I can think of is the vision u have scared in my mind. But good job on doing so. This brought up an old memory from my childhood. I went to the horse races with my grandparents in Kentucky and during the race the horse broke it's leg .. They took it in this truck and my grandpa said they will kill him and he'll finally be out of his misery. Scared me for life. Never watched another horse race again
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MsPush
I quoted the whole thing because it was good the whole way thru my G. Ur talented.
I'm so sad right now. You have made me wish to hit the lottery buy a field and horses and let them roam all day and make ponies.
Ughhh your reads depress me so!! Now all I can think of is the vision u have scared in my mind. But good job on doing so. This brought up an old memory from my childhood. I went to the horse races with my grandparents in Kentucky and during the race the horse broke it's leg .. They took it in this truck and my grandpa said they will kill him and he'll finally be out of his misery. Scared me for life. Never watched another horse race again
Yeah it's a shame they're such beautiful graceful animals. In NC there are wild horses on the outer-banks, but thanks to global warming the outer banks won't be there after a generation or two, i wish Humans left some things alone as we wish to be. Thanks for the feed sorry for depressing you haha
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MsPush
I quoted the whole thing because it was good the whole way thru my G. Ur talented.
I'm so sad right now. You have made me wish to hit the lottery buy a field and horses and let them roam all day and make ponies.
Ughhh your reads depress me so!! Now all I can think of is the vision u have scared in my mind. But good job on doing so. This brought up an old memory from my childhood. I went to the horse races with my grandparents in Kentucky and during the race the horse broke it's leg .. They took it in this truck and my grandpa said they will kill him and he'll finally be out of his misery. Scared me for life. Never watched another horse race again
Yeah it's a shame they're such beautiful graceful animals. In NC there are wild horses on the outer-banks, but thanks to global warming the outer banks won't be there after a generation or two, i wish Humans left some things alone as we wish to be. Thanks for the feed sorry for depressing you haha
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Truth Iscariot
Yeah it's a shame they're such beautiful graceful animals. In NC there are wild horses on the outer-banks, but thanks to global warming the outer banks won't be there after a generation or two, i wish Humans left some things alone as we wish to be. Thanks for the feed sorry for depressing you haha
Yes it is veary sad. They roam free in VA/MD at Chincoteague and Assateauge Beach. I also very much hate the zoo and the aquarium and sea world.
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Very interesting peice here bro. The topic is definetly not the norm yet you took so well to it. I can definetly feel the passion. The only qual i have is the flow. It was kind of hard to follow in parts. Other than tuat I am really digging this. The imagery, vocab, and passion was apl there. Dope drop overall. Looking forward to reading more. It seems you can write about anything
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
well damn, i apologize for sleeping on this. from beginning to end, this was beautiful bro. real shit. i thought maya angelou was going to be on the hook. ijs. nothing to critique really. this was pure cocaine. NOM'd!
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
That picture which appear to be the Clydesdale trapped in a bottle is one of the most artistic images I have seen in a long while. Your verse was enlightening and moving. I have a soft spot for horses so this definitely hit me. Really amazing piece, bro. Every line and every rhyme. Mos def.
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Much appreciated I'm glad y'all liked it
Re: IPTT Piece: Steed Heart
Four legged Atlas carrying a wicked world was fresh. Better wording than most on this site, but sometimes you do sacrifice a natural sentence structure for the sake of rhyming, or just write something awkwardly. I always think "if I said this line to someone in a regular conversation, they shouldn't *really* think it is that weird". You have a nice vocab and understand most words, not one of those thesaurus.com text rappers at all haha. Refreshing style. Rhymes didn't get stale. With a little more polish I would really fuck with this drop. Also, I got a very clear idea in my mind of what you were trying to say, mostly from strong imagery. Keep keyin.
